I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

It is true - I am creating the life that I want.

College is not important, Knowledge is

It's more useful to have someone fear you than respect you.

Have you ever wondered which hurts more:Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

What we prepare for is what we shall get.

tiny: did someone die? me: yeah, i did. he smiles again at that. tiny: well, then... welcome to the afterlife.

Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion.

Seven thirty in the morning is too early for a man of my standing.

The main thing on film is you want to be innocent to the moment.

Promises. I was drowning in promises.