When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."(Washington DC, 12 May, 2008)

The journey of life is tough

Anytime you testify you have some amount of increase or the other, God does not want you to get satisfied

It's hard to write a good play because it's hard to structure a plot. If you can think of it off the top of your head, so can the audience.

Meaning lies as much in the mind of the reader as in the Haiku.

Television, cable, features are always out there.

I went to acting school, but only for nine months. If you're an actor, you know, don't really need to learn how to do it.

So in his very politically-incorrect way, I think [James Mattis] is a good counterpart to Donald Trump, who doesn't read books.

As a public interest lawyer, your fund of injustice will never be empty.

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.