The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Perhaps someday it will be pleasant to remember even this.

To encourage more top-caliber students to choose teaching, teachers should be paid a lot more, with starting salaries more in the range of $60,000 and potential earnings of as much as $150,000.

I kind of did this thing in high school, a spoof of 'Sweeney Todd' called 'Shirley Todd,' and I had a great time doing that.

Civilization is a disease produced by the practice of building societies with rotten material.

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

Boycott of foreign cloth through picketing may easily be violent; through the use of khadi it is most natural and absolutely nonviolent.

Your power is in your faith. Keep it and pass it on to other bloods.

Love is the mystery of water and a star.

Literature is always what the dominant ideology recognizes as literature.

I love judges, and I love courts. They are my ideals, that typify on earth what we shall meet hereafter in heaven under a just God.