Funny Quotes

The funny thing is that in Bosnia there are no words that are equivalent to fiction and nonfiction. From the storytelling point of view, the difference is artificial.

I'm just the least funny person in a room full of funny people, which is basically every single day of work for me.

I'm originally from Tampa and grew up on beach. I'm also naturally fair-skinned. The funny thing is, my parents are both pretty tan, but for some reason I didn't get those genes.

American culture is kind of an international culture, isn't it? British culture is a bit more unique. I think funny things are sort of funny around the world, really.

I decided I like that mode. It's how I think - it's my voice. I like being funny and sad at the same time, or funny and disturbing at the same time. It's my natural voice.

I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny.

Socially, it is funny. People are annoyed because, really who is a clown?.

Loyalty was a funny thing. So was love. They both bit you when you least expected it.

I'm always busy. You know, the more I do, the more ideas I have—that's the funny thing. The brain is a muscle, and I'm a kind of body builder.

I think religion is a funny thing because, when you see somebody who can really break it down, sometimes it feels foolish what you believe.

I reach for funny books all the time to help me get through life.

Jet, I can almost remember their funny faces

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.

I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.

comedians are people who say funny things, and comics are people who say things funny.

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

His lie ability is an asset

It reminds me how funny living in LA can be; You go to a friend's barbecue and you leave the face of Victoria Beckham's look book.

On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.

To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

The Rolling Stones suffered a great loss with the death of Ian Stewart, the man who had for so many years played piano quietly and silently with them on stage.

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

You are so lame. You always disappoint me. It's kind of like our running joke but it's really not funny and I just want you to live up to the image of you I create.

And it's very, very funny When you've lots and lots of money To be horrible to those with none! Be horrible to those with none!

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, "Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking."

We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.

Out of a hundred years a few minutes were made that stayed with me, not a hundred years.

As an actor, when you're doing comedies, you're around fantastic, funny people and you hopefully have a really good time doing it.

He stuck a camera down my throat....ewwww, I gagged!!! It was kinda funny though.....he said I have "Acute Laryngitis".

I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.

One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride.

I fear for the future of the planet. But in a funny way, I'm even sanguine about that.

I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.