I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny.

I hate being mean. I watch those roasts on Comedy Central and they make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented.

There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood.

I think the obsession with wanting to change yourself is crazy over the top.

Be relentless and then you'll break through.

This whole generation of parents - I'm guilty of it too - does too much for their kids.

Going to Catholic school was what fueled me into comedy. The nuns were so brutal so I used to try to make my friends laugh.

I don't just want to be successful I want to have fun.

I've known lots of people that are talented and nothing happens. It's not about talent, it's relentless drive.

I think comedians have a function in society, which is to make fun of our icons.

When Lollapalooza started, and I was really into Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jane's Addiction, Soundgarden. I went to that Lollapalooza tour twice, I think.

I did one year at NYU, and I'd love to go back there someday

From out the peaceful hollow of its throat / such music pours as I am unaware / how to devise. I did not think these things. / It is the reed that sings.

The possibility of an Oscar is something I definitely think about and the fact that I can even say that is just a blessing. It's something I would be incredibly honored to be a part of.

Maybe part of my animus against the English is the way they have always treated the Irish and they way they still think about the Irish.

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

Now that I see you understand me so well, I will avoid you.

I'm all about the crockpot.

Sorry we’re late,” Jason said. “Is this the guy who needs killing?

...the reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time.