Funny Inspirational Quotes

The history of the world is the history of a few men who had faith in themselves

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

High-tech tomatoes. Mysterious milk. Supersquash. Are we supposed to eat this stuff? Or is it going to eat us?

[Hope is] the dream of a waking man.

Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward.

I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

In this business, by the time you realize you're in trouble, it's too late to save yourself. Unless you're running scared all the time, you're gone.

It is man that makes truth great, and not truth that makes man great.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas.

You know the trouble with real life? There's no danger music.

If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.

When I go abroad I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Your Constitution is all sail and no anchor.

Sincerity is the way of heaven.

The sooner we learn to be jointly responsible, the easier the sailing will be.

When you're out of will power you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.

Physically I'm not as strong as I was, but I try to make up for it mentally. It's a big challenge, and I relish it, competing with guys half my age.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

He who keeps danger in mind, is he who will rest safe in his seat; he who keeps ruin in mind, is he who will preserve his interests secure.

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

Sailing is just the bottom line, like adding up the score in bridge. My real interest is in the tremendous game of life.

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.

For a man to attain to an eminent degree in learning costs him time, watching, hunger, nakedness, dizziness in the head, weakness in the stomach, and other inconveniences.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

College athletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

...now and then a giggling trail of mermaids appeared in our wake. We fed them oatmeal.

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

If you don't know how to live, why wonder about death?

The inner nature of man is the province of Music.

Of all that Heaven produces and nourishes, there is none so great as man.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The art of life is the art of avoiding pain.

The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do foolishly.

To govern is to correct. If you set an example by being correct, who would dare to remain incorrect?

It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who never change.

I think any time people behave in a way that's truly them, then they'll never fail. You get in trouble when you try to copy others.

Volleyball, I could be pretty good. After a few practices I could be that striker, or whatever they call it.

No sane man will dance.

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest. Nutrition is obviously very important, but rest is equally important. At rest is when your body is trying to recover.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?