What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Space is going to be commonplace.

Embrace the work opportunity you have today. It may be the stepping-stone you need on your way to success.

I'm one of the few candidates that actually goes out and talks in public, so I say a lot of things based on my experience, my judgment as an environmental health physician, so I say a lot of stuff.

If only Vivien Leigh had stayed in England, that part would have been mine.

Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.

Why should I want what's good for me?' Beatrice asked him, smiling. 'Is that what you want for yourself - only what's good for you?

It's hard to judge yourself. Each Essence cover represents a different special moment in my life. One is about keeping it sexy in my 40s, so I'm not mad about that either.

The first day of training in Big Bear, it felt like somebody put a plastic bag over my head. After eight weeks up there, I feel very strong.

Old age is a strange country, and most of us enter it unwillingly.

When youre a new person and a new idea, you get invited to all these different things, and everybody wants a piece of you. And you want to be polite and say yes to everything, but it gets dangerous.