Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

You are the Magician.You are the alchemist of your life. You have the power to manifest the highest vision of your life.

If we pray, we will be purified.

To the teacher weighed down with paperwork, I say: you've been messed around too often. You came into teaching to spend your time teaching children not filling in forms.

Value your friendship. Value your relationships.

Live before you die, so that death is also a lively celebration.

Nobody should call themselves a professional if they only knew one language.

I think when you're writing songs, it's impossible to not draw on personal experiences, whether it be traveling or girls, or anything.

Devote each day to the object then in time and every evening will find something done.

Advertising can be a very frustrating business.

It's worth it. It's worth giving up the sun and magic.