Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

You are a little soul carrying about a corpse, as Epictetus used to say.

it's really make sense when it's does not make sense

As all mothers know, children travel faster than kisses. The speed of kisses is, in fact, what Doctor Fallow would call a cosmic constant. The speed of children has no limits.

Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.

The most exciting business ideas fit on the back of an airplane napkin.

No erotic work of art is filth if it is artistically significant; it is only turned into filth through the beholder if he is filthy.

My plays are always pushing towards cinema anyway. They're down and dirty, real and more fun.

We undress men and women, we don't dress them any more.

I think I don't view myself as an author. I view myself as a person. I view anything as part of being a person, so I feel okay with "marketing" or other things like that.

I don't want them to kill no hog . . . . I want a man to go to that chair, on his own two feet.