Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

The urge to create a fictional narrative is a mysterious one, and when an idea comes, the writer's sense of what a story wants to be is only vaguely visible through the penumbra of inspiration.

The other day I chanced to meet An angry man upon the street — A man of wrath, a man of war, A man who truculently bore Over his shoulder, like a lance, A banner labeled “Tolerance.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

Red lips like a living, laughing rose.

A man who loves good food has a way of making it gravitate toward his kitchen.

Make sure people get educated, help out with health emergencies. Those things, the government should do. That's 96 per cent of the economy, those two sectors.

A man that has lost moral sense is like a man in battle with both of his legs shot off: he has nothing to stand on.

Nothing they design ever gets in the way of a work of art

What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples' decisions for them?

The strongest poison ever known came from Caesar's laurel crown.