This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.

Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.

Originality is never embraced as quickly as the commonplace.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

Don't try to give a funny opinion; give your opinion in a way that will be funny.

Bombing teaches you how badly you want to become a comedian. Because unless it's a burning desire, you'll quit when the consistent bombing becomes too much to take.

If I'm crisp and economical in my delivery, have smooth transitions, movement and animation, and flights of fancy, that would get me an A.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.

I advise treating the studio audience like a nightclub audience because that's the reason you're doing television - to get them to come see you in a nightclub.

Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they're going to get the opportunity to laugh at.

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

Be a vessel of forgiveness and kindness in order to be a fountain of peace.

Problems are inevitable. Misery is a choice.

I'm actually kind of more adventurous. I like to go out on the floors and try to be incognito. Because it's more fun to be out there. So - when people do recognize you it's a little bit scarier.

I have a difficult time sitting down for long periods.

You are reading a bold and universal headline which says ,’I am here, I am here, I am here.

Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.

If you have conflicts, everything breaks down in society. Kids can't go to school. Basic health can't be looked after. Every aspect of society falls apart.

The American press has the blues. Too many authorities have assured it that its days are numbered, too many good newspapers are in ruins.

Because the worst of all worlds is when you pretend like you have an immigration policy, you make coming into the United States without our permission illegal, and then you actually don't enforce it.