Don't try to give a funny opinion; give your opinion in a way that will be funny.

This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.

Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.

Originality is never embraced as quickly as the commonplace.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

Bombing teaches you how badly you want to become a comedian. Because unless it's a burning desire, you'll quit when the consistent bombing becomes too much to take.

If I'm crisp and economical in my delivery, have smooth transitions, movement and animation, and flights of fancy, that would get me an A.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.

I advise treating the studio audience like a nightclub audience because that's the reason you're doing television - to get them to come see you in a nightclub.

Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they're going to get the opportunity to laugh at.

Sometimes I sit alone under the stars and think of the galaxies inside my heart and truly wonder if anyone will ever want to make sense of all that I am

Fear makes people speechless

In life what you ASPIRE will TRANSPIRE—be it Loss or Gain, Sun or Rain, Joy or Pain. - RVM.

Truth is a hell of a big point with me. Now I exaggerate—always.

Only when the child is able to identify its own center with the center of the universe does education really begin.

I think they've been baby bummers.

I haven't had a date in 26 years.

Silicon Bayou - aka Lafayette, LA - is the best kept secret reservoir of innovation mojo in America

It seems to me there are good deficits and bad deficits. Now, we have a deficit that comes from the militarization of our society and our policy and our approach to the global arena.

History is, strictly speaking, the study of questions; the study of answers belongs to anthropology and sociology.