There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Morning is a song that succeeds the music of dawn...

And in that moment, he knew one thing. If it was possible to slay his dragons, he’d do it. For her.

Be content with who you are and where you are, and do whatever you can do to bring to others such contentment, and joy, and understanding that you have managed to find yourself.

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

I can't think of anything off the top of my head that seems more important than something designed to raise money to keep something going that keeps IV drug users from dying.

Two men are equally free from the rage of ambition; are they therefore equal in merit? Perhaps not; one may be above ambition, the other below it.

The idea comes before the logical argument.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

My family is happy. That makes my job a lot easier. For the fans, I try to put it all out there on the floor.

I suppose I'm something of an eccentric dresser.