Larry David Quotes

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

I'd like to start a family but you have to have a date first.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Golf and dating don't mix.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.