Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Once upon a time--which, when you come to think of it, is reallythe only proper way to begin a story--the only way that reallysmacks of romance and fairyland--

Extremism in defense of Liberty is no vice and moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Tell me, Do you feel the way I feel? 'Cause nothing else is real In the La La Land machine

We are lucky, even the worst of us, for daylight comes.

I'm joking, I'm joking. Best decision I ever made.

No one can live without friendship, because what would you do all day without friends?

It feels like I could go outside with a bikini thong on right now.

We must be on our guard against giving interpretations which are hazardous or opposed to science, and so exposing the word of God to the ridicule of unbelievers.