There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Simple minded people do things like gossip, lie, spread rumors, and cause troubles. But, I know you're more intelligent.

No place in England where everyone can go is considered respectable.

When I was quite young, I put my trust in God--not government; and I never get the two confused.

I think that every man is afraid of his wife.

Our gross domestic product, or GDP, is barely above 1 percent. And going down.

You are inferior to no one. others may treat you that way, but that is their problem. You are above all of this.

Always assume incompetence before looking for conspiracy.

I'm a pretty hands-on dad and make the most of my custody. I take care of my little one whenever I can, and she determines what I can do and where I can do it.

When setting a long-term goal, find the pace necessary to achieve it.

We are quite convinced that if he were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.