The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Once again, the world seems to be less about objects than about interactive relationships.

People travel because it teaches them things they could learn no other way.

Pleasure is not the purpose of man's existence. Joy is.

Poetry is about as much a 'criticism of life' as red-hot iron is a criticism of fire.

I'm Roman Catholic and I believe very strongly in the power of prayer.

A crown is more discomfort than adornment. If you have learned that, you have already learned much.

I don't think of color, I think that anyone wants a master of their skill and be successful knows no color.

A lot of people believe you only need a vision. This is simply not correct. You need brilliant execution every day. It's about attention to all the details of go to market.

If I hold you with my emotions, you'll become a wished-for companion.

There are days when I intentionally don't write. For instance, I never write when I'm traveling, because travel is a situation where I can learn more by looking and listening than by working.