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Henny Youngman Quotes: The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
         

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.


Henny Youngman
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Other quotes of Henny Youngman


My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.



I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.



A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.



If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.



A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.



Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did



Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.



Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.



What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.





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Far too much horrific wast of human capacity is disguised as order, predictability, and minimizing uncertainty.

Far too much horrific wast of human capacity is disguised as order, predictability, and minimizing uncertainty.



That is faith, cleaving to Christ, twining round Him with all the tendrils of our heart, as the vine does round its support.

That is faith, cleaving to Christ, twining round Him with all the tendrils of our heart, as the vine does round its support.



Nothing feeds the center of being so much as creative work.

Nothing feeds the center of being so much as creative work.



No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, God will never desert us, He never has, and He never will.

No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, God will never desert us, He never has, and He never will.



It is well known to all great men, that by conferring an obligation they do not always procure a friend, but are certain of creating many enemies.

It is well known to all great men, that by conferring an obligation they do not always procure a friend, but are certain of creating many enemies.



I stare at myself in the mirror and I think, 'Wow, I'm really great-looking.'... I think I'm the greatest, anyway.

I stare at myself in the mirror and I think, 'Wow, I'm really great-looking.'... I think I'm the greatest, anyway.



My wife, Katey Sagal, has transformed herself from a sitcom cartoon to a dramatic powerhouse.

My wife, Katey Sagal, has transformed herself from a sitcom cartoon to a dramatic powerhouse.



Jealousy does not wait for reasons.

Jealousy does not wait for reasons.



When executives lead as teachers, stewards, and designers, they fill roles that are much more subtle and long-term than those of power-wielding hierarchical leaders.

When executives lead as teachers, stewards, and designers, they fill roles that are much more subtle and long-term than those of power-wielding hierarchical leaders.



Everything has a price... No matter if it's fortune, fame or your life. I understood later that it's all about paper, Everything has a fee in the land of the free.

Everything has a price... No matter if it's fortune, fame or your life. I understood later that it's all about paper, Everything has a fee in the land of the free.




Quote Description


This page presents the quote "The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.". Author of this quote is Henny Youngman. This quote is about horse, funny, humor,.