The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

A business absolutely devoted to service will have only one worry about profits. They will be embarrassingly large.

Please Tommy. Please.

I find in the Psalms much the same range of mood and expression as I perceive within my own life of prayer.

More and more companies are reaching out to their suppliers and contractors to work jointly on issues of sustainability, environmental responsibility, ethics, and compliance.

There's a lot of different forms of communication, but music is absolutely the purest one.

Life is like a cash register, in that every account, every thought, every deed, like every sale, is registered and recorded.

A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.

People don't talk to me on airplanes.

Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.

We're a little lazy about spirituality in this country.