Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

None of the dead come back. But some stay.

I never see failure as failure, but only as the game I must play and win.

The NSA has different reporting requirements for each branch of government and each of its legal authorities.

I love the sea because it is boundless.

Tell your kids they are perfect the way they are, but they shouldn't stay where they are forever because growing, testing the limits, and evolving make life better and more fulfilling.

Time-wasting activities are the dessert. Oftentimes discoveries are made through the back door.

The Angel is one of those Articles of Faith as unshakable as our belief in the existence of God, an atom, or the ill luck of the number 13.

Next time you're stunned by a large moon on the horizon, bend over and view it between your legs. The effect goes away entirely.

From the moment that photography appeared, the descriptive genre began to invade Letters... In verse as in prose the décor and exterior aspects of life took an almost excessive place.

England is strictly class-based. What's surprising is how many films are still made with a load of people in silly frocks running around gardens and talking in middle-class accents.