TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

But I quite like the way you can talk about science without necessarily using mathematics, but using metaphors instead.

Her one drink had Cecelia giggling and talking and she was explaining that animals had souls too. Nobody challenged her opinion. It was possible, we knew. What we weren't sure of was if we had any.

Never remember your failures but remember why you failed.

A lot of people forget that it is not only about how much money that you make, but mainly about how much you get to save from it.

Sometimes I don't feel as if I'm a person at all. I'm just a collection of other people's ideas.

Consciousness, like a complex system of software, has thousands of levels of nested, self-accessing subroutines

You win by effort, by commitment, by ambition, by quality, by expressing yourself individually but in the team context.

I penetrate the hearts of good kids and criminals

I'm nothing if not redundant! I also repeat myself.

Every writer knows a lot more about their characters and story than actually makes it onto the page.