Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

We were created to work (not have jobs) for a living

Passion for what you do goes hand in hand with style.You can say I'm a passionista

People want us, or want us dead, because of what we are, not who we are. It's hard.~Angel

If we go on as we are, we will destroy in the next century everything that the poets have been singing about for the past two thousand years.

God discovers the martyr and confessor without the trial of flames and tortures, and will hereafter entitle many to the reward of actions which they had never the opportunity of performing.

There is a perfect someone, even if the road to that someone isn’t all that perfect.

One cannot tell when he is going to be healed, so do not try to set an exact time limit. Faith, not time, will determine when the cure will be effected.

I think [Donald Trump] is now talking about engaging in countries on a bilateral basis.

We need to consolidate our enlargement agenda but be cautious with new commitments.

We pamper the present like a spoiled child, obeying its superficial demands but ignoring its real needs.