So I'm one of the few celebrities that got to do a repeat performance on 'The Simpsons,' which I'm very flattered by.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

In a materialistic society, there’s no such a thing as a ‘romantic’ broke man.

Don’t just be selling, be connecting

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet.

Seeing my face on a poster is surreal. You look at it and it's not quite like you, if you know what I mean... it's almost a third person kind of thing. I still find it strange.

The world needs heroes and it's better they be harmless men like me than villains like Hitler

I've been learning martial arts since I was 8 years old.

Cherie, keep walking. Shut your eyes. We are headed for the bridge. We are going to cross it.

I think that we need to look hard at our beliefs and be responsible about how we speak out.

I really, truly believe in learning from other people's mistakes.

"We must learn that the electric Universe of motion is divided into wave cycles which are equally divided into opposite expressions"