Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

There is enough work for everyone. May you find your purpose and passionately live it.

The slow pace of our perfection has to be borne with patience, provided that on our part we always do whatever we can to continue advancing.

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

Laws can be wrong and laws can be cruel. And the people who live only by the law are both wrong and cruel.

Your life belongs to you and you alone.

Where we're standing right now, in the ruins in the dark, what we build could be anything.

If you're a Catholic you believe what the Church teaches and the climate makes no difference.

There is no orthodoxy in walking. It is a land of many paths and no-paths, where every one goes his own and is right.

Whatever the word "great" means, Dickens was what it means.

All I did was take my time, figure out where I made a lot of mistakes and try not to make them no more.