My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Living life is a courageous act.

When you arise in the moring, think of what a precious privelege it is to be alive-- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love

Dear Little Children, don't ever give up on your dreams.

In order to make anything a reality, you have to dream about it first.

You have to pretend you're 100 percent sure. You have to take action; you can't hesitate or hedge your bets. Anything less will condemn your efforts to failure.

To possess is past the instant; we achieve the joy, immortality contented, were anomaly.

No church can be prospered in which all the ministration comes from the pulpit.

Faith and doubt go hand in hand, they are complementaries. One who never doubts will never truly believe.

'The David Letterman Show' is a show of comedy.

I have died so little today, friend, forgive me.