My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

What do gardeners do when they retire?

I am not so blind that I can't see darkness.

You never know who it's going to be, or what they'll bring, but whatever it is, it's always exactly what is needed.

He who conquers others is strong he who conquers himself is mighty.

You put a character out there and you're in their power. You're in trouble if they're in yours.

The most important survival ability for any life form is the ability to change.

Look to the cross, think of the cross, meditate on the cross, and then go and set your affections on the world if you can.

If any suffering was fruitless it was the agony of a hangover; what he suffered now could not expiate suffering of any other kind.

My only true harmony lies deep within my soul, wherever that is. I know that somehow I am in tune with the universe.

Dr. Martin Luther King is not a black hero. He is an American hero.

For about 150 days a year in Venice, the sun doesn't show through the mist until noon.