My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

A great paradox which should God make us understand, we will weep, laugh, wonder and ponder is the paradox of human ignorance

I said something idiotic like, as [William] Shakespeare says, "Action is eloquence," and the judge just frowned at me and gave me a couple weeks in jail.

I don't think you can create anything interesting from a comfort zone. You have to work from a place of fear and failure.

Rashness is oftener the resort of cowardice than of courage.

I think to be a good director you have to be a good person and you have to care about people.

I hate anyone who beats me.

Under the beautiful moonlight, there remains no ugly reality; even muds turn into the diamonds!

Marriage can be complicated.

Chaos and Order combined equal Balance.

You can't buy ATP points to buy your ranking. It's not possible; otherwise Gulbis would be No. 1 in the world.