My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always enjoyed feeling afraid. I think it is the most delicious feeling there is

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

Slavery was incredibly prosperous for some people, at that time. It was not a bad business plan, but it was terrible and inhumane. But as a business it worked.

Wars raged everywhere as men found new, inventive ways to kill even more of their race. It was like a contest, the many tribes of mankind competing to see who could commit the worst atrocities.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

Friendship * * * is a long time in forming, it is of slow growth, through many trials and months of familiarity.

Over time, grit is what separates fruitful lives from aimlessness.

What I'm trying to do is immerse myself.

A pastor friend of mine said, "Our problem is that we no longer have martyrs. We only have celebrities.

Let us resolve the internal political problems of Russia ourselves