Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

The unsuccessful person neither thinks nor acts

Nothing so soon the drooping spirits can raise As praises from the men, whom all men praise.

Friendship is a thing most necessary to life, since without friends no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages.

I'm single but interviewing.

When I do something good, the audience lets me know immediately. They laugh. That's it.

Young chefs, famous chefs, home cooks, and everyone who loves food and cooking-we all depend on Larousse Gastronomique. It is the only culinary encyclopedia that is always up-to-date.

Those art lovers who pride themselves mostly on *taste* usually possess no other talent.

Being a woman in music and having kids, it's very hard to do both without neglecting one a bit.

The heart of the matter is that some people like to cause injury or death to living things. And many of those who do not are indifferent to those who do.

Piper patted his shoulder. “Trust me, Valdez. Beautiful people never lie.