In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Seek happiness.

As if one could do what one wanted with one's own body!

I wish you could have made me loving you.

What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial".

You don't need money to go big.

[Eva Braun] was careful, she was always careful about what she divulged to me or to anyone about [Adolf] Hitler.

Our senses are indeed our doors and windows on this world, in a very real sense the key to the unlocking of meaning and the wellspring of creativity.

I'm living a life until I die so there will be no shortage of things to sing about.

Success is having consistent work habits.

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.