In general, comedians are attracted to vice.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

I came to the conclusion that unrealized hopes, even small ones, were always wrenching.

Match your talent with integrity, or your talent might take you places where you lose control, and fall from grace.

Envy suggests inferiority.

In any circumstance, call on God.

After you understand about the sun and the stars and the rotation of the earth, you may still miss the radiance of the sunset.

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

Well, I wouldn't say that this experience had any influence on my decision to do this film about Andy, because Andy was apolitical. Andy was never political.

Both triumph and disaster are impostors.

The great man is always the man of mighty effort.

The movers and shakers have always been obsessive nuts.