If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

If only employees knew this...there is no hand out just because you got a degree. You still gotta make $ for the biz (employer), if you choose not to make $ for yourself (freelancer / ent).

If you were my child, I would staple you to your bedroom wall.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

You need to drop down. Nobody is perfect, nobody is superhero.

The most important question any human being will ever face: 'Who do you say that Jesus is?'

If I had the knack I'd sing like Cherry flakes falling

The most important part of any relationship is allowing others to choose their own response to a situation, and of course this is the most difficult part.

I'm a believer in The Word, which says "God moves mountains."

I drove across country in my yellow 1970 VW bug (which I drove until 1986) to Los Angeles, having had enough cold weather in 5 years in Ann Arbor, and found a job within a few days.

I do not believe in the Cinema verite. Sometimes a really good lie is better than any truth.