If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.

I will tell you this my darlings, the very worst regrets are the things you couldn't have handled any other way.

I want to be remembered as a kid who went down fighting, and didn't really lose

Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.

I'm a vegetarian, but I don't expect other people not to eat meat.

I do believe that non-violent civil disobedience is a very important and useful tactic.

One thing I loved about New Zealand was the indoor/outdoor lifestyle of the place.

I could almost see common sense and denial fighting away at each other within her. In the end, denial won, as it so often does.

The stars don't have to be perfectly aligned for me to do a good job.

For the Arabs in Israel there is always a tension between nationality and identity.