I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

Be kind. Be compassionate. Be love. Be original. Be authentic. Be peace. Be yourself. BE.

As our country bled . . . its leader's wife came to this podium piously to call for a new human order, this when thousands of Filipinos were political prisoners.

I think women love to read love stories.

I suppose maybe if I had been an attractive child, I would have had less inclination to push my physical presence.

Wine is only sweet to happy men.

Wall Street is the only factor in the U.S. economy, which really keeps Obama still in office. He couldn't have made it, otherwise.

Michael: There's nothing here to fear. Lucifer: Well, there's always the truth.

You don't think about anything because you just try to playevery game, every point. If you get some chance, you try to take this chance.

I am not a playwright. A playwright would take "Antigone" and hit it a few clouts and knock it out of shape and restructure it. My versioning was strictly verbal.

I'm an old-fashioned person, and I don't like informers.