I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Make the mental physical, and the physical mental, and things will improve.

Our daily endeavours and activities should be about or around these value systems. They reflect love. They reflect care. They reflect kindness. They are qualities of heaven.

By liberating women from household work and helping to abolish professions such as domestic service, the washing machine and other household goods completely revolutionised the structure of society.

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily.

Write about it by day and dream about it by night.

Education makes a straight ditch of a free meandering brook.

I don't think anyone connected with Five-O believed the show would last as long as it did.

Every man is two men; one is awake in the darkness, the other asleep in the light.

I have too many fantasies to be a housewife. I guess I am a fantasy.

I am so bad that He had to die. I am so loved that He was glad to die.