I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Practice self-compassion and experience the priceless feeling of emotional safety.

Even our recreation was scheduled. There was no time to look for birds or wander into the nearby woods. We were put into teams and sent into violent pursuit of a helpless ball.

One of the rules of caution is not to be too cautious.

I've abused myself a lot over the years. But my voice is still intact - really, it's better.

Taking a deep breathe, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I walked away.

I'm actually a lot happier because I work as a teacher; more than just a capitalist making money for myself.

The words loved me and I loved them in return.

The church should be a place where people can be free to say that they are sinners.

I don't know what will happen to me without you. Only you. Only you love me. Out of everyone in the world.

Every great, successful person I know shares the capacity to remain centered, clear, and powerful in the midst of emotional 'storms'.