I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

You will learn more about writing from one hour of reading than you will in six hours of writing.

The universe is a gigantic amusement park in which we can have a ride or two.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

I didn't have time for my children much. I wasn't a very good parent I had a pretty unhappy home life.

After all it is those who have a deep and real inner life who are best able to deal with the irritating details of outer life.

Love and businesse teach eloquence.

The great thing about media now is that you have 360 degrees worth of opinions and can find whatever you want and tune out whatever you want.

Selfish prudence is too often allowed to come between duty and human life.

Even if your watch is full of diamonds the hour is still 60 minutes

When you do good music, it moves over from generation to generation. Like Bob Marley. Like Papa Michigan. Jimmy Cliff.