I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Human Angels are souls who have chosen to be born now on this planet to awaken themselves and humanity to Unconditional Love and Awareness of the Oneness.

Cutting words can cut your readers but if the intention is pure, the story will resonate loud and true.

Oh, I have a habit of letting myself be lectured on the things I know best. I like to see if they are understood in the same way I understand; for there are many ways of knowing the same thing

Buy straw hats in the wintertime. Summer will surely come.

Eventually, if something pops up, that's cool, but I still wanna continue the process of learning how to be a good actor.

I tend to jot down music.

I realize I had to learn ... to stop chasing the perishable prizes of this earth ... and give my best effort unto God and trust Him with the results.

Wisdom and white hair might not be as valued [in our society] as in different cultures.

I have learned to look upon each little hindrance as a jest and each great one as a foreshadowing of victory.

The culture of comfort, which makes us think only of ourselves, makes us insensitive to the cries of other people.