I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Poverty is a result of poor choices not of poor luck

Is not about creating an object. It is about creating a perspective.

My death will be caused by morphine, which I have deliberately taken with suicidal intent.

Travelling is a great time to catch up on my reading. It's hard falling asleep in new places, but a good book always makes it easier.

There are just certain times I sense the Lord is wanting me to write, and so I write.

Heels are really hard to wear. I feel bad for every girl that has to wear heels or chooses to wear heels. They're not fun.

I am married to someone I love.

You were never taught how to talk with your face like you speak with words.

Um, I think every role, whether in TV or film, has a part in building a career and relationships.

Maybe it's your obligation to use your celebrity for more than just your new BMW. I use mine to make people smile.