I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

I am an educated black woman in a time when educated black people will be called upon to risk everything for the rights of black people everywhere.

I will build my empire next to the sea, so I can laugh from my throne as my enemies drown.

Bonobos are unique among great apes because they are not dominated by males.

Sound is often talked about in a very subjective way, as if it had a colour. This is a bright sound, this is a dark sound. I don't believe in that because I think that is much too subjective.

Manchester is the belly and guts of the nation

How do we redefine education so that 30-50 percent of inner-city children do not drop out of school, thus ensuring that millions will end up in prison?

You are nearly there," said James. "Very close. We are...so proud of you.

The E.U. is the world's fastest growing democratic body.

Socialists make the mistake of confusing individual worth with success. They believe you cannot allow people to succeed in case those who fail feel worthless.

I tell you that studying humanities in high school is more important than mathematics - mathematics is too sharp an instrument, no good for kids.