I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

If the teaching of Christ were a law, it would not be a gospel {glad tiding}, but a sad tiding.

Somewhere, somehow, something arises out of the ashes of our losses to remind us that nothing ever ceases. Nothing ever vanishes. Nothing ever comes to nothing.

You always gotta be on time, an hour ahead of everything. You always gotta be prepared.

To turn a human being into a part-canine or lupine creature takes a good deal of artistry and money.

Have you ever stopped to think that Christianity is the only religion in which the first step is to say, "I'm wrong?"

Tourism is our second biggest industry in terms of the people it employs.

My career was obviously cut shorter than I wanted it to be.

The portal into people's hearts is being interested in them.

Mainly through sins of impurity, do the forces of darkness subjugate souls.

Cheap! But not as cheap as your girlfriend.