I'll be mellow when I'm dead.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Philosophy and religion - what are they when the wind blows and the water gets up in lumps?

I hate storms, but calms undermine my spirits.

In order to be not bound by the tether of time, we must have a relationship with the timeless.

You may have orthodox heads, and yet you may have the devil in your hearts.

Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil.

In the history of the individual is always an account of his condition, and he knows himself to be a party to his present estate.

An unawakened person sees only his mind, which is merely a reflection of the light of pure consciousness arising from the Heart.

Investors must keep in mind that there's a difference between a good company and a good stock. After all, you can buy a good car but pay too much for it.

If we forgive God for his crime against us, which is to have made us finite creatures, He will forgive our crime against him, which is that we are finite creatures.

It was not just the Church that resisted the heliocentrism of Copernicus.