I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

It doesn't matter what others think. This is about YOU. Create a life that you genuinely love with your whole heart and start with yourself.

Inner peace has no correlation with success or failure—winning or losing.

The higher power, mighty God!

Either men will learn to live like brothers, or they will die like beasts.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

When elected, I will make education funding a top priority and I believe we must ensure those dollars reach our children and the classroom

We confess to little faults only to persuade ourselves we have no great ones.

Boy, I feel more and more undeserving each moment !!

I have not sought during my life to amass wealth and to adorn my body, but I have sought to adorn my soul with the jewels of wisdom, patience, and above all with a love of liberty.

Want a Coke?” Abra asked. “Sugar solves lots of problems, that’s what I think.