I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that's it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I'd done something.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

You must put all your heart into everything you do.

...The sea... some have said is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.

If I have to face the end of human existence, I want to look totally smoking when it happens. Now shut the hell up.

It is no good casting out devils. They belong to us, we must accept them and be at peace with them.

In many ways, not fitting in has been a comedic asset and a comedic resource.

You can't make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody

Sound conviction should influence us rather than public opinion.

In my book, all manners are is thinking of somebody else.

Never think that God's delays are God's denials. True prayer always receives what it asks, or something better.

Ah! fraudful malice! how shall wisdom's care Escape the poison of thy gilded snare!