I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

The choice to make good choices is the best choice you can choose. Fail to make that choice and on most choices you will lose.

Life is a web of intersections and choices. Your 1st choice is to recognize an intersection. Your 2nd choice is to be grateful for it.

Get off the treadmill of consumption, replication, and mediocrity. Begin lifting the weights of creativity, originality, and success.

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.

One of my relatives invented the sensory deprivation tank. Appropriately, most of my family has never seen or heard of him.

When I first tried a sensory deprivation tank, people thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I had found it.

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

The best cure for a stick up your butt is a dog to play fetch with.

Part of my soul goes into each quote I write. A book of my quotes can be yours for just $19.99.

Quotes are echos of voices transporting wisdom, humor, and love. Returning again to the human condition, fleeting once more as a dove.

He that has never known adversity is but half acquainted with others, or with himself.

Young girls of 13 or 12 are great actors.

The same arguments which go to show that knowledge is power, that the condition of a people is improved in proportion as the masses are educated, have their application with equal weight to the deaf.

There is not a moment when I do not feel the presence of a Witness whose eye misses nothing and with whom I strive to keep in tune.

I think good books have to make a few people angry.

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is.

I want people to come see my films and enjoy them but at the end of the day you can't control what people think.

I am not sure that God always knows who are his great men; he is so very careless of what happens to them while they live.

All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force... We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.

It doesn't matter if it's black-and-white. If a movie has a story that is filled with emotion, you can have as much pleasure, and it's very good for cinema.