Death Humor Quotes

Death Humor Quote of the day

You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness.

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.

Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.

Sometimes the only answer to death is lunch.

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War.

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Justice will prevail!

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship.

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time.

Death should take me while I am in the mood.

Man. Being mostly dead is hard on a guy.

Yes, Bastille. I keep trying to get killed because it's inconvenient for you.

As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.

If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave.

I take this continent with me into the grave.

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

You're dead, George. You just don't have the sense to lie down.

Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.

My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead.

Got it. Demon. Death. Doom.

An eye for an eye my friend.

Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.

The dead know everything but they don't give a damn.

I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.

So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.

Well, I always did want to go out in a Braveheart kind of way. I'll just have to think of something cool to yell before they cut my head off.

The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.

If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.

What can I say? I prefer to die well informed.

Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies?

To conquer fear, you must become fear.

Knackered inmates are easier to control than pumped-up ones. And dead inmates are even easier to control, if you follow me.

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.

The dead are way more organized than the living.

Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out.

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

I say the same thing about the death of James Wait. "Oh, well -- he wasn't going to write the Beethoven's Ninth Symphony anyway.

Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours.

And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person's idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying.

Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.