Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only Bush in freefall.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

Doing good things for bad people is no different than doing bad things on good people.

It's a very old word, it means 'to breathe into.' That's how it works: An angel breathes into men and shows us what to play, what to draw. How to find the truth of who we are and why we are here.

The challenge is to find our destiny in exactly what we are refusing to engage in.

All these people who say success changes people; well, no, it just magnifies what's there.

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

As you grow older, you change.

Seeking happiness apart from a right relationship God is like trying to turn on a light that's unplugged.

The care of the critic should be to distinguish error from inability, faults of inexperience from defects of nature.