Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Man is not suffering by external forces as much as his own dysfunctional mind and self inflicted negative stimulus.

How you look it is pretty much how you'll see it

People who can be very good can be very bad too.

I have sometimes thought that there is no being so venomous, so bloodthirsty as a professed philanthropist.

The secret of the Christian's passion is simple: Everything we do in life we do it as to the Lord and not to men.

If some persons died, and others did not die, death would be a terrible affliction.

When you become a star, you don't change - everyone else does.

No action can be performed successfully without a clear result in view.

Maybe being home schooled, Carter didn’t realize that “test” is normally a bad thing.

Just being a woman is God's gift. The origin of a child is a mother, a woman. She shows a man what sharing, caring, and loving is all about. That is the essence of a woman.