Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair.

The cat wrinkled its nose and managed to look unimpressed. "Calling cats, " it confided, "tends to be a rather overrated activity. Might as well call a whirlwind.

Hades does not have a runny nose. I know this. The entire Greek pantheon no doubt knows this. For some reason, my nose is unaware of this basic fact of mythology.

It's fun to play someone who seems evil and to reveal their vulnerabilities.

Past Olympians have a continuing role within the Olympic family.

But times do change and move continually.

Experience is not the best teacher; evaluated experience is.

It's great to work with people that you like, any job, no matter what you do.

Whom the gods notice they destroy.

All intellectual improvement arises from leisure.