A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.

Cynicism is the humor of hatred.

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.

The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel.

A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one.

I'll have that one, please.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

I imagine, therefore I am.

Oh, I just think that a neat house is the sign of a boring person, that's all. And I don't really like to associate with boring people if I can help it.

Those who know you see your tears even in the rain.

It's impossible to defend oneself in the absence of goodwill

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

This year we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score.

Human ingenuity has given centuries to the goal of ensuring that the human body might move around at an even 68 degrees all year.

You do not know what you will earn tomorrow.

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

Women are always beautiful.